Tell me where we go from here
by lady emebalia
Summary: Getting together is the hard part and then it's happily ever after, right? Nobody told Dean that making it work is the real challenge. Destiel. Picks up in 10x03 and goes AU from there.
1. Prolog

**Tell me where we go from here**

**Prolog**

Dean looked at men, too. He'd always known that, on a deeper level which he hadn't dared to explore for a long time. The first time he had dared to act on that feeling of _want_, Sam had been at Stanford and Dad had been on a hunt so it had only been Dean and this guy he'd met at a bar.

The morning after Dean had felt as if he'd gotten away with the whole cookie jar.

He knew his dad wouldn't approve him being with a man but Dean preferred women over men four times more often anyway – he still had no idea where to count in Alex but during that night pronouns had been the last thing he'd cared about – so playing straight most of the time wasn't a big deal.

However, since that man at the bar, he couldn't even remember his name, Dean had a type.

Tall men in suits did it for him. Not the clean, stuck-up business type, he liked the ragged ones. The ones with a five o'clock shadow you could tell had a hard day, maybe a hard week, and didn't care if their dress shirt wasn't tugged properly into their pants anymore. The ones who loosened their ties and unbuttoned the last button of their shirts. The ones with mussed up hair from being outside in the wind or rain, from sweat and fingers raked through it too often.

Over the years Dean had acted on this part of his sexuality more often and with less shame. There had always been very few people in his life who gave a damn if he lived or died and with his dad and Bobby dead there was only Sam left whose opinion Dean still cared about. And Sam had turned a blind eye on Dean's sex-life years ago so he never noticed, or at lest he pretended to not notice and that was just fine with Dean too, when he spent an occasional night with a dude rather than with a chick.

Then there was Cas. Since Dean had met Cas big blue eyes were a plus, a huge plus, with his hook-ups.

Dean wasn't even sure if angels had genders, Raphael for example hadn't been picky with his vessels and Cas had shown the same indifference when it came to his vessel. Dean was just glad that in the end he hadn't taken the child.

Vessels were a whole different can of worms but Dean hoped Jimmy was no longer Cas' roommate. Over two circles of death and resurrection Dean was pretty sure Jimmy had left the building a long time ago. When Cas had become human he for sure had taken over his vessel completely. A very nice vessel, Dean had to admit.

Not that it mattered. For all he knew Cas was straight as the stick he'd up his ass. He probably shouldn't think about things up Cas' ass or Cas' ass in general, Dean mused but couldn't help but think about the few times Cas' rear end hadn't been covered with that overcoat of his.

There had been Meg and that woman who'd taken Cas in after he'd come down with amnesia from his leviathan inducted god-complex. And lately that reaper chick. Dean saw a pattern here.

Cas never had shown much interest in other people but so far he'd only been sexually interested in women. As far as Dean knew Cas had never looked at a man for longer than two seconds. So yeah, fat chance there.

Before those feelings could take hold, Dean refused to name them and they would have been one-sided and utterly painful anyway, Dean did the only thing he could do. He ripped them out and shoved them into the deepest pit of his mind. They would have good company down there. Dean chased them down with half a bottle of whiskey and slammed the lid shut on that pit in his mind before something ugly could crawl out of the dark.

One more missed chance, one more could have been, one more what if. Dean put his game face back on and moved on.


	2. Chapter 1

Dean sat in his room, thinking. He had the pictures in hand, the meager outcome of his life. He knew other people had albums over albums of pictures, of birthdays and weddings and all day life, but all Dean had was this hand full of single pictures. Not even special ones. Snapshots taken on a whim. But he knew exactly when and under which circumstances every single one had been taken. He knew it was pathetic to hang on to some old pictures like this and he liked to pretend that Sam didn't know he was keeping them but they weren't quite in the order he liked to keep them so he was pretty sure Sam had found them while he'd been away. But as long as they both pretended that Sam didn't know and that Dean didn't know that Sam knew, everything was fine. They were good at pretending.

Dean set the pictures aside, mind wandering to the more recent events. While he had been a demon he wouldn't have cared about stupid pictures, about family. Hell, he had told that asshole to shoot Sam. Okay, he knew that Sam was a big boy and could take care of himself but Dean just wanted to punch the demon version of himself for abandoning Sam like that.

But Sam hadn't abandoned Dean. Dean had no idea why he had been so persistent but he had just plainly refused to give up, to let Dean go. While he had been a demon Dean had thought of it as pathetic and naive, now it warmed his heart. Not so long ago Sam had told him to the face that he wouldn't try to save him at all costs and that had hurt, more than Dean was willing to ever admit. However, Sam had gone length to bring his brother back, had crossed some pretty dark lines and Dean knew that it wasn't healthy for both of them but damn it felt good that Sam cared this much for him.

And Cas. Cas had come for him. How had he phrased it so long ago?

Dean remembered the barn. Their cute little attempt to call out an angel. Cas had made quite an entrance back then, Dean had to admit.

"I'm the one who griped you tight and raised you from perdition." Dean could almost hear Cas' voice and it send shivers down his spine.

"And that stupid bastard did it again." Dean shook his head when he remembered how Cas had hugged him like he was a three-year-old throwing a temper tantrum. And just like that he'd carried a kicking and spitting Dean back to the dungeon where Sam completed the ritual.

Dean remembered the pain as well. The blood Sam had injected in his vein had burned its way through his body, setting it on fire on the inside, and for a while Dean hadn't been sure if his brother was killing him there. Judging by the haunted look he saw in Sam's eyes he hadn't been sure either but there was no turning back.

It had been become human or die. Thinking back Dean was grateful for that. He had enjoyed his demon part and he may had held on to a shred of his moral compass but he knew it had only been a matter of time until that too would have been gone and he would have killed just for his own pleasure. He was glad that Sam had brought him back before that happened.

What he'd done as a demon hadn't been his best but he could live with it. He could still look at himself in the mirror and he had Sam to thank for that, he knew that, his brother had brought him back in time.

A knock at his door interrupted his thoughts. Sam had brought him food earlier, a silent way to say _welcome back_, and was probably sleeping by now, so the only person who would knock at his door was Cas. Since he couldn't just appear wherever he wanted anymore Cas had adapted to things like doors. Which was a good thing and Dean would never admit that he kinda missed him just popping in whenever he wanted, usually way too far into Dean's personal space.

"Yeah." Dean hurried to put the pictures away, there was no need to let Cas see them. It was stupid but Dean needed this little secrets.

_Can't play with open cards, can't I?_

Cas came in and had a quick look at Dean.

"You look terrible."

Dean could only chuckle at that. "You know, it wouldn't kill you to lie every now and again."

"No, it wouldn't kill me." Cas answered in that earnest way of his.

Yeah, that wouldn't kill him, Dean thought bitterly, but there was still this little problem with his grace. He hadn't forgotten about that.

Looking at him now, Dean noticed something, though.

"Well, you, on the other hand, you …" He cleared his throat. "You're looking good. So …" He paused, thinking of the possible reasons for Cas' recovery. "… are you back?"

"At least temporarily." Cas answered as vaguely as Dean had expected. So not his own grace back in place.

Figures, it never was that easy. Cas said something about Crowley and stolen grace but he didn't go into detail and if he was honest, Dean didn't want to know.

"There's a female outside in the car." Cas suddenly changed the topic.

"Oh." That was unexpected. "Do I know her?" Dean tried to keep his tone even. Of course Cas could and would see other people but bringing somebody here? That made it way too real for Dean's liking. And of course it was a female. Inwardly Dean sighed but on the outside he didn't let on to the sting of jealousy he was feeling.

"I think you remember Hannah." Cas answered after a moment, keeping a watchful eye on Dean as if he was worried about Dean's reaction to that statement.

"Yeah" Oh, he remembered her just fine. "Made you chose between me and your army."

"That's her." Cas confirmed but didn't elaborate why they were working together again. Last time Dean had seen her she had been pretty determined to cast Cas out when he had refused to kill Dean.

"I still think you made the wrong choice there." Dean said. Cas had given up his whole army just to save one guy. Cas could be a stubborn bastard, maybe that was the reason he fit in so well with the Winchesters, but that move had been plain stupid.

"It was the only choice." Cas answered matter-of-factly and Dean hurried to change the topic before he could read a deeper meaning into this.

"Well, thank you for, ehm …, stepping in when you did." Dean said awkwardly. He'd never been good at saying thank you. So with that out of the way he brought them back to save ground.

"What does Sam say? Does he want a divorce?" He asked, only partly joking. He wouldn't blame Sam if he didn't want to see him ever again. He remembered the hurtful things he'd said to Sam. Words meant to hurt and knowing Sam as well as he did, he had known exactly what buttons to push. He had seen the effect on Sam's face, had seen how much his words hurt, how deep they cut, and he had enjoyed it.

"I'm sure Sam knows that whatever you said or what you did, that wasn't really you." Cas answered and Dean opened his mouth to point out that that wasn't true, it had been him, but Cas cut him off before he could get the words out.

"It certainly wasn't all you."

"I tried to kill him, Cas." He couldn't get over that fact. He had taken the hammer and he'd Jack Nicholson'ed Sam though the bunker with the clear intent to kill him. Dean had enjoyed the chase and would have killed him if Sam's reflexes hadn't been this good.

"Dean, you two have been through so much." Cas sighed a little. "Look, you're brothers."

In the end it always came down to that. They were brothers.

"It'd take a lot more than trying to kill Sam with a hammer to make him want to walk away." Cas added and Dean couldn't help but shake his head to that with a smile.

"You realize how screwed up our lives are that that even makes sense?" Dean chuckled but then sobered up. "I'm glad you're here, man."

They looked at each other for a moment.

There was something in Cas' expression, in his posture, just something, that responded with the lingering effect of his demoniac nature in Dean or maybe with the Mark or maybe he was just sick of missed chances.

And even if he was reading this wrong, it would take more to make Cas walk away, he was pretty sure about that. Things might become a little awkward for a while but in the end nothing would change. Or it would, for the better, but he would never know if didn't try.

"Oh, fuck it." Dean growled, done with thinking and worrying. He acted.

Dean closed the distance between them and took Cas' head between his hands, just to make sure the angel wouldn't run like a frightened rabbit, then he brought their mouths together.

Lips brushed over lips and Cas just stood there without doing anything. Dean kept their lips together, not quite ready to let go, trying to memorize every little detail. The texture of Cas' lips, the light feeling of stubble against his skin, Cas' scent. Dean knew this was a one time only thing and that he was lucky that Cas wasn't smiting him on the spot so he drew this out for as long as he dared before he let go of him and stepped back.

Cas just looked at him, eyes wide and with clear confusion written over his face.

"Sorry." Dean said, taking another step back. He couldn't look Cas in the eye so he turned around, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly.

"I thought that you … but you didn't … so … I'm sorry." He took a deep breath. "Just forget about this, okay?" He almost pleaded.

"Dean." Cas said and Dean knew he was searching for the right words to tell him to go and fuck himself.

"Forget it, Cas." Dean begged. "I'm just stupid."

"You're not stupid." Cas said it as if he was offended by that thought. "Don't apologize for the things you want."

"I want you." The words burst out of him before he had time to think about them. Over the last few weeks he'd become used to just say what was on his mind and this was what he got out of that now.

Awesome. Dean gritted his teeth.

"Forget it, Cas." He repeated. Anger took over, he needed to end this before it could spin out of control and hurt them both. "Hannah is waiting outside, you should go now."

Cas didn't move, just watched him with his thoughtful eyes.

"Do you want me to leave?"

_No, but I need you to_, was the answer on Dean's mind but he couldn't bring the words out. He had kicked Cas out before and he hadn't liked it one bit then either.

"I don't want to leave." With that Cas stepped closer and after one last look at Dean he mirrored Dean's action from earlier. He took Dean's head between his hands, angled their heads and brought their lips together.

Dean was stunned for a second but then he parted his lips and invited Cas' probing tongue in. When they parted their faces were still only inches apart and Dean just wanted to lose himself in those blue eyes.

"Stay." Dean said.


	3. Chapter 2

Like he'd said, Sam got Dean a bunch of junk food. Never before had he been happier watching Dean stuffing his face with cholesterol. Grinning like an idiot Sam skipped the alcohol he'd intended to drink afterwards and went straight to bed instead. He only managed to kick off his shoes before he collapsed on top of his bed with the intention to stay like that for at least a week.

When he woke up thirteen hours later he was only wearing a t-shirt and his underwear and was under the covers without recalling how any of that had happened.

Dean was back. With that thought in mind Sam crawled out of bed. His first way, though, was over to Dean's room just to make sure he was really back. Or still there. Or whatever. Just to make sure.

"Dean?" Sam knocked but there was no answer. There was no sound coming from the room either and an uneasy feeling settled in Sam's stomach.

"Dean?" He repeated, louder now. Still no answer. Sam opened the door.

Dean had been here, that much was obvious, however, he wasn't here anymore. There was no note on the bed or anywhere else and that was the only reason Sam didn't instantly fell into panic mode.

The bunker was big, Dean could be everywhere. Probably in the garage cleaning up his car or in the kitchen preparing dinner.

No need to worry, Sam told himself but couldn't help but wonder if the ritual had really worked. Dean hadn't been a run-of-the-mill demon and the one time Sam had tried the ritual before he'd never finished it. So there was no proof that it actually worked.

But Dean had been fine. Sam had seen him coming back. Cas had said he was human again and he would know, right?

_The ritual worked, Dean is fine_, Sam repeated for the hundredth time in his mind because there was no alternative. The Mark was still there and they needed to find a solution for that but at the moment Dean was human and Sam just had to believe that.

On his way to the kitchen, it was the nearest option he could think of, Sam passed one of the empty rooms and found the door slightly ajar. There was movement inside the room.

"Dean?" Wondering what his brother might be doing in there, Sam nudged the door open. It wasn't Dean standing at the bed with his back to the door. "Cas?"

Sam had expected Cas to be long gone by now, the angel never hung around for long, so it was quite a surprise to still find him here.

"What are you doing?" Sam stepped into the room, trying to figure out why Cas was in here all by himself. Dean wasn't with him so that mystery was still unsolved.

Hearing Sam's voice Cas turned around, an almost guilty expression on his face.

"Sam." He greeted him and dropped a shirt he had been folding on the bed, an open bag with more of his clothes next to him.

"Dean asked me to stay. He said I could use this room." He paused for a second, clearly waiting for Sam's reaction.

"I hope you don't mind." He added when Sam failed to come up with a response. His mind was still too sluggish to follow that train of thought.

"Sure." He finally answered. "You're always welcome here, you know that."

"Thank you."

There was a moment of silence.

"I was looking for Dean, have you seen him?" By now Sam was pretty sure that Dean wasn't on a killing spree through the country, however, he would feel better if he knew where his stray brother was.

"He said I need a new mattress." Cas frowned. "One that will remember me."

"Memory foam." Sam chuckled at that. "Dean loves his mattress, he would marry that thing if he could." The way Dean talked about his mattress Sam didn't want to think of the things it remembered about Dean, though.

Dean was back a while later, not only with the new mattress for Cas but with bags full of stuff to make Cas' room more his and not only a temporarily thing. And he'd done the groceries as well, something Sam hadn't really bothered with over the last few weeks.

"What did you eat while I was gone?" Dean asked while he put away the food. For somebody who could live off junk food for weeks Dean had always been utterly concerned about Sam's eating habits. He made fun about Sam's healthy food, yes, but on the other hand he made sure that Sam ate on a regular basis when Sam was too engrossed in something to care about such ordinary things like food.

"I was busy looking for you." Sam shrugged. As expected that shut Dean up rather quickly, suddenly he was very interested in some pasta.

"So." Sam changed the topic. "You asked Cas to stay for a while."

Out of the corner of his eye he watched Dean's reaction. Sam wasn't blind and even if he were, the way his brother and the angel were circling around each other for years now was hard to miss. So Dean asking him to stay could be a step in the right direction. Or not. Sam had given up hope that they would ever get past this pining phase long ago but there was something in the way Dean avoided his eyes and focused on the package of pasta in his hand.

"He needed a place to crash for a while." Dean answered with a delay and Sam didn't press the issue, he knew better than that. But he wondered …

Things were quiet for now, no new shadow rising in the east, so to speak. They could use a few quiet days, to heal and recharge, and that was what they were doing. Well, Sam tried to do that. Dean and Cas tried to pretend they were just hanging out but they were as sneaky as horny teenagers when it came to their real intentions. It was quite amusing.

Sam just wondered how long it would take them to officially tell him that there was finally something going on between them. As far as he could tell, and he really didn't want to investigate farther into this, they had slept in their own rooms every night. Once or twice Sam walked into a room just to find them in opposite corners with mussy hair and wet lips and forced blank expressions on their faces. One time he had to bite his own bottom lip to not laugh at Dean's pathetic attempt to hide his boner. Making an excuse that he'd forgotten something at the other end of the bunker, Sam backed off. Maybe he should start wearing a bell.

Before he was out of earshot he heard Dean whispering: "Think he noticed?"

Sam was tempted to yell: "He did!" but kept his mouth shut. They would tell him when they were ready.

In the meantime he made sure to give them every hint he could think of that he was okay with them being together, the last thing he wanted was for them to feel that they had to hide this from him.

He guessed they were still figuring this out for themselves and didn't want to make it official before they were sure that this was really something and that was okay. As far as Sam was concerned they could take all the time they needed to come to terms with their new relationship but he didn't want them to be afraid of coming out to him.

When he'd come back from Stanford Sam had suspected that not all Dean's hook-ups where women and over the years he had found proof that Dean was interested in men as well. It had never really come up between them so Sam didn't know if Dean knew he knew, his head started to ache from that kind of thinking, but to Sam it had never really mattered. Dean was Dean, his big brother, his childhood idol but when it came to the bedroom Sam didn't want to know what was going on behind closed doors. He wouldn't want Dean to know in detail about his love life either.

_As if I have a love life,_ Sam thought and closed the book he wasn't reading anyway. Base line, he was happy for Dean and Cas and it was entertaining as hell to see them sneaking around.

This went on for almost a week before Dean became restless. He never liked being stuck in one place for too long, that was nothing new, but with the new thing between his brother and Cas, Sam had expected this to last for a little while longer.

"Find us something to do." Dean whined over breakfast one morning. They had coffee and Sam his bowl of cereals while Dean and Cas stuffed themselves with scrambled eggs and sausages. How somebody could eat that greasy stuff early in the morning was beyond Sam and what baffled him the most was that Cas was actually eating. Since he'd moved in he was sleeping and eating and experiencing every other human body function Sam didn't want to think about over breakfast.

Cas was still running on borrowed grace and just like the one before that, it was fading. Cas still had time but they had to find a solution to that at one point. And for the Mark of Cain.

Sam drank the last puddle of milk directly out of the bowl and then set it in the sink. Before they tackled the big problems, and he still had no clue where to even start, they should get back in the saddle. He doubted Cas wanted to sit this out and stay at the bunker all alone and if he was honest, an angel in the team was a big plus even if it was a weakened one. So they were three now and they needed to find their rhythm. And this would be Dean's first hunt after his whole demon episode as well. Sam wasn't sure if Dean was ready for the job just yet but there was only one way to find out.

"I'll look into it." Sam promised. He turned around, butt resting on the edge of the counter, and watched his brother and his angel. Cas had always this problem with respecting Dean's personal space, and only Dean's, but this was ridiculous. Their chairs were so close they almost touched and Dean could barely lift his right arm without poking Cas in the rips with his elbow. Somehow they managed, though. It was kinda adorable. Sam wondered if they would feed each other little bits if he weren't around. Probably not, that wasn't Dean.

After breakfast Sam went over to the library and opened his laptop to find them a case.

A while later Dean joined him and there was clearly something on his mind but for a while he was just there, fiddling around with a magazine, just being his usual annoying distracting self.

Sam could guess what was coming and for a moment he wondered if he should let Dean off the hook and tell him upfront that he knew. On the other hand, he was the little brother, it was in the job description to let your big brother struggle.

"So." Dean cleared his throat, finally ready to say what he wanted to say. "Me and Cas."

Sam looked up from the screen. Dean looked like a deer in the headlights, as if he expected Sam to react badly to this revelation. Was Dean really worried that he might not be okay with this? It stung a little, Sam had to admit.

"We're trying this out. Being together." He looked everywhere but Sam.

"Finally." Sam returned his attention back to the screen. "Took you two long enough to figure it out."


	4. Chapter 3

When Cas kissed him and said that he wanted Dean and when he kissed him some more, Dean just wanted to throw him on the bed that was conveniently there and just take him.

"Stay." Dean said. He'd waited so long for this, had dreamed about this in his weak, lonely nights but never had he thought that he could have this. That he could have Cas.

So yeah, maybe it was the lingering effect of his demon nature or just horniness in general but he was moving them over to the bed until the edge nudged Cas in the knees and he had to sit down.

Cas stretched out willingly and Dean was on top of him a second later, covering him with his body. They never broke the kiss and damn was Cas a good kisser, while their roaming hands tried to explore every inch of the other one.

"Dean." Cas breathed, arching under Dean's touch and wasn't that the most beautiful thing Dean had ever seen. Cas was getting hard, Dean could feel it through too many layers of clothes. But then Cas' hand found it's way to Dean's crotch and everything else was forgotten.

Cas was touching him. The warmth of his hand seeped through the denim, his hand firm against Dean. It was more awkward fumbling than anything else, Cas had clearly never touched a dick before, probably not even his own, but the fact alone that it was Cas touching him pushed Dean over the edge.

"Dammit, Cas." Dean buried his face in the crook of Cas' neck, still breathing hard and not in the slightest embarrassed about how quickly he'd creamed his pants. "Haven't come like this since I was a teen."

"You're beautiful when you come." Cas said in that blunt way of his. He lay perfectly still under Dean and it took him a moment to realize that he could still feel the hard line of Cas' erection against his hip.

Dean rolled off him.

"May I?" He asked, hand on the inner side of Cas' thigh.

"Please." Cas bucked his hip under his touch. Dean opened his fly and reached inside until he could close his hand around Cas. Then he needed a moment to process the fact that he was holding Cas' dick in his hand.

Cas watched him with thoughtful eyes and slowly Dean moved his hand. He didn't know how Cas liked his handjobs but he was sure he could figure it out. He worked his length in long even strokes, thumb circling the head now and then and the way Cas' panted and bucked under him he wasn't doing too badly. It had been way too long since he'd done this properly.

Dean had sex with men while he'd been a demon but then he hadn't really cared about his partners. He had made sure to get them off as well but that had been it. With Cas it was different, he wanted to make it good for him.

"Cas." He brought their lips together for a deep kiss, tongue darting out and sinking into the heat of Cas' mouth while he never stopped working his erection.

"Dean, I ... I ..." Cas chanted before he spilled his release over Dean's hand.

"I got you, I got you." He peppered Cas' throat with little kisses, grinning against the bobbing Adam's apple while the shocks of his orgasm ripped through the angel's body.

Spent they stretched out next to each other, content with just lying there for a moment.

"That was ..." Cas had to swallow thickly. "That was good."

"I sure hope so." Dean smacked him playfully in the shoulder.

He was lying in bed with Cas. He was lying fucked out in bed with Cas. Dean couldn't stop grinning.

"How do we proceed from here?" Cas finally asked and crashed them back to reality with that.

Dean would have liked to just set Cas up here with him, sleeping together in one bed from now on with mind blowing sex every night. But thinking about it, it might not be a good idea. He didn't want to fuck this up, not this, so they probably shouldn't rush things. They were both not exactly experts on the whole relationship thing and he wasn't sure if Cas knew about the logistics of sex between men. He didn't want to scare him off with stuff he wasn't comfortable with. They had time, no need to hurry.

And there was Sam. Dean didn't know if he even knew that Dean was interested in men as well. He had the suspicion that Sam had figured it out years ago but they'd never really talked about this so he didn't know if his brother just chose to turn a blind eye on Dean's sex life or if he was in fact clueless.

He wasn't sure how Sam would react to him being with Cas either, because c'mon, this was Cas and at the moment Dean wasn't even sure if this thing with Cas was heading where he wanted it to head so it was probably a good idea to not throw it in Sam's face just yet.

"I'd like you to stay here in the bunker." Dean finally answered. "We have plenty of free rooms." He watched Cas closely, trying to figure out what the angel was thinking. He was wearing his usual blank expression, confused mixed with mildly curious. Not exactly helpful.

"I don't want to rush this." Dean said. "I want to figure this out properly."

Cas nodded to that.

"And there is Sam." Cas added after a thoughtful moment.

"And there is Sam." Dean repeated and dropped back to his back, looking up at the ceiling.

"What will he think of this?" Cas asked. "Of us?"

"I have no idea." Dean admitted and that frightened him a little bit. He had lived for years with just not mentioning it and it had worked out just fine. But if this thing between him and Cas worked out, and he really hoped it would, it would be right in Sam's face and even a Winchester couldn't master that degree of denial and pretend it wasn't there.

For now they set Cas up in his own room, there were more than enough empty rooms around, and while Cas unpacked the few things he owned Dean went to get him some stuff. A memory foam mattress was a must but he also got him extra pillows and a blanket and a really fluffy rug just because.

When he came home from his trip Sam was finally awake, he'd been so exhausted he hadn't even noticed when Dean had tucked him in like he'd done when they had been little. Which felt like a millennia ago.

Cas had sent Hannah away by then, too. Dean had no idea what he'd told her but there was still stuff going on in heaven and Hannah was needed there. Cas wouldn't be much help up there anyway, they all knew it but Dean would never tell him that to the face, so he was glad when Hannah left without trying to persuade Cas to come with her. Dean wasn't sure if he liked her or not but she had gained points for that. And he couldn't really blame her for asking Cas to kill him back then, they had been at war and Dean had fucked up royally, so yeah …

He forced himself to think of something different, like where to put the rug. Directly in front of the bed or more into the room?

"I like it when you're nesting." Sam commented from the door and Dean just glared at him. Considering the fact that Cas had wings and he was making a home for him here ... he wasn't sure if he liked the implications.

The next few days were a hazy blur of stolen kisses and secret snuggling, not that Dean was that into stuff like that but it turned out that Cas was a snuggler. Whenever they sat together he liked to sneak an arm around Dean and rest his head on his shoulder. Sometimes he played with the hair in Dean's neck. Dean wasn't sure what to think of that, it was nice but he'd never been one to show affection this openly, but for now he let Cas do whatever he wanted because it was just awesome that Cas wanted to do stuff with him in the first place.

There were some close calls, though. They had agreed on not telling Sam just yet so they had to have their ears out constantly. And Dean found out that it was really hard to listen for Sam's footsteps while he had his tongue down Cas throat. However, they always managed to get far enough apart in time to look innocent.

One time Sam came into the library and Dean could barley hide his erection behind a stack of books on the table. He was sure that Sam would call them out on their little farce but then he was mumbling something about something he had forgotten somewhere and was out of the room a second later.

"You think he noticed?" Dean whispered over to Cas when he was sure that Sam as out of earshot. Cas shook his head but didn't seem to be sure. However, looking at Cas with his hair even mussier than usual and his lips still wet and swollen from their kissing Sam was forgotten in an instant.

It would probably be the easiest way if they just let Sam catch them, Dean thought but that didn't seem right. Cas was not a dirty little secret. If he did this, he wanted to do this right, which meant telling Sam because he wanted to tell him and not because he had to when Sam caught them with their hands down each other's pants.

With Cas constantly there Dean never really got his head out of the gutter. Since their first time with rutting off against each other and a quick handjob they hadn't done more than kissing and cuddling and Dean would go stir crazy if that went on for much longer. Cas hadn't really initiated more and Dean didn't want to bring it up too soon and with Sam around it only got more complicated.

They needed to get out of the bunker, Dean decided.

"Find us something to do." He said one morning over breakfast.

Sam didn't look so fond of that idea, Dean didn't have to be a mind reader to know what was going on in his brother's head, but it still stung when Sam bluntly asked if Dean was ready for a job.

In the end Sam promised to look out for something and that was all Dean was asking for.

"We should tell him." Cas said when Sam had left the kitchen.

"Yeah." Dean had thought about that for days now. The thing he had with Cas felt real. But admitting it to Sam would bring it out in the open and he wasn't sure if it was already strong enough for that.

"I'm going to tell him." Dean set his jaw and went over to the library to find out what Sam thought about him being with a man in general and about him being with Cas in particular.

He fidgeted around for quite a while and was about to call it off when he finally opened his mouth and told Sam.

His brother looked up from his laptop with quite an amused expression.

"Finally." He said. "Took you two long enough to figure it out." Then he turned back to the laptop.

Dean just stood there stunned for a whole minute.

"You knew?"

"About you and Cas?" Sam raised an eyebrow to that. "Dean, the whole world knew."

"And you're okay with it?" Dean couldn't believe this.

"Of course not." Sam glared at him but couldn't suppress the fond smile tucking at the corners of his mouth. "Can't you see me raging and spitting?" He shook his head in amusement. "Dean, it's great that you're together. I'm happy for you."

Dean just stared at him, trying to figure out if he was still joking. The last part had sounded suspiciously genuine.

"Dean." Sam let out a sigh but took pity on him. "I know, okay? I know you like men and I know you like Cas. And that's totally fine with me."

"You're an awesome brother, you know that?"

"Took you long enough to notice that one too."


	5. Chapter 4

Sam found them a hunt. Only a few hour away something was chewing off people's faces. The police was talking about animal attacks but left out what kind of animal they thought did it so Sam decided it was worth checking out. At first glance it looked more monster-y than demon-y or angel-y so it probably was the right thing to start with. A plain old monster hunt. Not that those weren't dangerous, just less complicated.

Dean drove with Sam in the passenger and Cas in the back. By now Dean had found time to clean his car out and she was shining and purring like she'd just rolled off the line. Sam stretched out his legs as far as he could and leaned back in his seat. This was how it should be.

The only thing different was Cas sitting in the back but he'd been there often enough to make it not that of a strange thing and judging by the glances Dean was throwing him through the rear view mirror, it was something they would get used to very quickly. Sam thought about offering to drive just to allow Dean to constantly eye fuck his angel but he didn't bring it up. Dean was happy back behind the wheel and that was all that counted.

They reached their destination late in the afternoon and Dean stired the Impala towards the first motel he saw. Sam looked up at the sign announcing this as the Buffalo Motel with a few neons missing in the vacancy sign.

_Living in the bunker has its perks_, he thought and got out of the car.

"I'll get us the rooms." He announced and headed off to the office without looking back so he probably missed a quick peck on the cheek between Cas and his brother. For grown men these two acted a lot like teenage girls and Sam just hoped they wouldn't start giggling at one point.

"You have the four." Sam handed Dean his key. "And I'm in nine."

Dean threw him a confused look but Sam really didn't want to explain why he didn't want to stay in the same room as them or even next door. He didn't know what or if they would do something at night but he wasn't keen on finding out. He was close enough so he could hear the others shouting and vice versa and for sure he would hear gunfire so no need to worry.

Dean was clearly torn between his privacy and having Sam in sight but in the end Cas just slung an arm around Dean's waist and that was it. They went to their rooms to unpack.

Sam had booked one room with a double bed for Dean and Cas and one with a single for himself. It was weird, coming into a room with only one bed, but he guessed he would get used to that. Dean was only a few rooms away.

"Somebody ran wild with the buffalo theme in here." Sam shook his head at the mounted buffalo head on the wall over the TV set. The rest of the wall was covered with various pictures of the animal. Even the bed had horns on the headboard.

They met back outside half an hour later to find themselves something to eat. It was too late to start their investigation so they used the time to discuss what they knew over dinner. Which wasn't much.

"Four victims so far." Sam said. "They found the last one yesterday."

He didn't bring out the pictures, they were in public after all, but they all knew what he was talking about.

"We check out the morgue first thing tomorrow." Dean said and buried his face in his burger.

"What do you think we are dealing with here, Sam?" Cas ask, skimming through the notes Sam had spread out on the table. He was an angel and a soldier but when it came to hunting Cas was still an amateur. Sam remembered that one time when Cas had announced that he wanted to become a hunter and shuddered at that thought. However, he was an angel and as that hard to kill and for sure a strong ally on their side.

"I don't know yet." Sam admitted. "Looks like some kind of animal but I doubt it was just hungry, it only went for the faces." He had seen the pictures and he wasn't looking forward to having a look at the real thing. Maybe he could leave that to Dean and Cas. The angel still needed to learn the ropes and they really didn't have to show up in the morgue with three people.

"There is this man, Andrew Barter, he's the husband of the third victim." Sam had to search in his notes for the name. "He was with her when she's been attacked."

"He saw that thing?" Now he had Dean's interest.

"I'm not sure, this is all a bit vague." Sam frowned at his notes. "How about you two check out the bodies while I talk to the police and this Andrew guy?"

Of course Dean knew exactly what he was doing here but he didn't call him out on it.

"Sure, Cas and I can deal with some faceless dead guys." Dean shrugged. "No need for you to get your hands dirty."

Or not. Sam threw his balled up napkin at him and felt better. Cas looked from one brother to the other, clearly confused by their actions. Sam exchanged one glance with Dean and both burst out laughing.

God, this felt good.

Still grinning they left the diner and walked the short distance back to the motel. By now it was dark but the air was clear and when Sam looked up he could see the stars. Cas followed his example and looked up as well but when Sam saw the expression on his face he regretted even looking up in the first place.

Sensing what was going on with his friend Dean slung his arm around Cas' shoulder. His eyes locked with Sam's for a second but they were both lost on what to do or say. Sam couldn't even start to imagine what Cas had lost. How he must feel now, unable to fly and more human than angel with his grace still fading.

They parted for the night and Sam sat on the small table in this room, under the watchful eyes of the buffalo head, and searched the internet for anything helpful. Whatever they were hunting had a very specific taste for the faces of its victims. Sam knew about things that went for specific organs, werewolves for example, but so far he'd never heard of something like this. He wished he could just call Bobby and discuss this with him.

Sam let out a sigh, he still missed him but that wouldn't bring him back. To keep himself distracted, he didn't want to think about the man who had been more of a father for him and Dean than their actual father, Sam threw himself back into the case.

Faces were personal, so maybe the victims knew the one who had attacked them. Which would mean this was something appearing human and not an animal like a black dog for example. He hadn't found out much about where the victims had been found or if they knew each other, for that he would have to talk to the police in person, so after a while of browsing the internet for face eating monsters Sam called it a day and shut the laptop.

When he lay in bed a while later, he couldn't help but wonder what was going on in the other room. Not that he wanted to think about his brother and his best friend having sex, though he doubted they would do much while they were working a case. At least he hoped that they wouldn't be busy the whole night and too tired to be useful tomorrow.

As expected Dean was still asleep when Sam knocked at their door the next morning, announcing that he would get them some breakfast and that he would be back in twenty minutes. He hoped that would be enough time to get them decent.

When he came back with coffee and bags of food, Dean was still in the shower but Cas opened the door and helped him to set the table. For once Cas had buttoned up his shirt and straightened his tie. He actually looked professional, however, he didn't really look like Cas dressed like this. Without his jacket on Sam could make out the outlines of his body under the white shirt and he had to admit that Cas wasn't only a pretty face. At least for a guy. Sam didn't find him attractive but he got what Dean was seeing here. And Dean and Cas had clicked the second they'd laid eyes on each other, that had been obvious for everybody around them except for them.

A moment later Dean came out of the bathroom. Wearing only his pants with his shirt in hand he just stood there for a moment, eyes fixed on Cas. They stared at each other, Sam totally forgotten and he wondered if he should take his own breakfast over to his room and let them drool over each other for a while longer. Instead he cleared his throat and blushing Dean hurried to put on his shirt.

"If you'd rather be alone, just say the word." Sam grinned at him when he handed him his coffee.

"Shut up, bitch." Dean growled playfully at him and peered inside his bag.

"I think that place is taken, jerk." Sam answered with a meaningful look at Cas. "Or is it the other way around?"

Dean almost choked on his coffee.

"If you're referring to sexual positions." Cas spoke up. "We didn't have intercourse yet."

No both Winchesters were snorting coffee.

"Cas." Sam had to use a napkin. "Too much information."

"You asked, Sammy." Dean grinned at him and fished a bagel out of the bag. "And FYI, that's none of your business."

They finished their breakfast and then Dean drove them into town. Sam would check in with the police and would then meet their witness while Dean and Cas would have a look at the bodies. After that they would visit the victims families and see what they could find out.

Since these were officially animal attacks Sam introduced himself as being with Animal Control. The officer working the case, Officer Martin, seemed glad to have him there. He had four dead people and not one clue on what did it and there for had still an unnamed predator on the loose.

After an hour of reading the files and bouncing ideas with Officer Martin Sam wasn't closer to solving this case than before. The victims had been found in different places around town, all deserted but that was the only thing they had in common. He couldn't narrow it down to a certain area or a certain time and as far as he could tell the victims had nothing in common either. There were three women and only one man but with just four victims it was hard to tell if this meant something or not. Three had been alone but Nancy Barter had been with her husband when she'd been attacked. Different ages and social backgrounds, there was nothing connecting these people.

Frustrated Sam leaned back in his chair and took out the photo of Nancy Barter.

"Did the husband tell you anything useful?" He asked. He had the intention to ask the man himself but it would be good to know what he'd said so far.

"Something big." Officer Martin shrugged. "It was almost dark and it happened very quickly. He said she had stopped to tie her shoe while he kept going. Then she screamed and when he turned around something dragged her off the path. He ran after her but it was too later. She was dead when he reached her."

Sam thought about that for a moment but couldn't think of anything that hunted like that.

"Okay." He closed the file and stood up. "Thank you, Officer. I'll let you know when I find something."

With that he left the station and went to have a little chat with Andrew Barter.


	6. Chapter 5

Dean was surprised by the casualty with which Sam got them a double room but on the other hand he wasn't really that surprised. Sam had been very supportive since he officially knew about Dean's relationship with Cas. Not that he'd expected his brother to become all hateful or something like that, that just wasn't Sam, but it was kinda baffling how easily Sam adapted to the new dynamics. Way better than Dean himself if he was honest.

When they came back from the diner in the evening Cas was still a bit quiet. He had looked at the stars earlier and the way he'd become sad and silent over that, Dean wondered if he missed heaven. Stupid question, it was his home, of course he missed it.

"Wanna watch some TV?" Dean asked a little too enthusiastically. It was too early to turn in but Dean wasn't sure how to get Cas out of that funk.

"Sounds good." Cas agreed and minutes later they lay stretched out on the bed, back propped up against the headboard, watching TV. At first they just lay there with a little space between them but without Dean noticing Cas had inched closer and sat now flushed against Dean's side with his hand on Dean's thigh.

Cas didn't do anything else, except for resting his head on Dean's shoulder, but Dean couldn't focus on the TV anymore. He felt Cas' warm body pressed against his, the weight of his head on his shoulder and most of all the hand on his thigh. It lay in the middle, maybe even a little bit closer to the knee than the other way, and it just lay there. Nothing indicated that Cas had more in mind but Dean had to shift nevertheless to adjust himself in his suddenly tight jeans. If Cas notice he didn't show, fully engrossed in what was happening on the screen.

They would sleep together in one bed for the first time, Dean realized and he wasn't sure if he wanted their first real time, one quick handjob didn't really count, in a buffalo themed motel with a dead animal watching them from the other wall.

When it was time to go to sleep they took turns in the bathroom and Dean spent long minutes on the question what to wear for the night. In the end he settled for a t-shirt and his underwear. He didn't want to scare Cas away but he didn't want to come across as prude either. Cas followed his example, probably even more unsure about this than Dean, and then they slipped under the covers.

"Do you really need to sleep now?" Dean asked just to say something and to not think about Cas almost naked just inches away.

"Sometimes." Cas answered. They lay on their sides, facing each other and Dean just wanted to kiss him. So he did. Cupping Cas' head with one hand, he kissed him deep and sensual.

"Do you want to have sex?" Cas asked bluntly when they parted.

"Way to kill the mood, dude." Dean muttered with a grin. "Do you?" He asked back because that was the important question here.

Cas had very little experience and Dean didn't want to push him. He was just fine with staying like this. A kiss and a touch, whatever Cas felt comfortable with.

"I don't know." Cas admitted after he'd thought about the question for a moment.

"Turn around." Dean said, knowing that tonight wasn't the night to do this. Whatever _this_ would turn out to be. Without a question Cas turned around and Dean snuggled closer until they were spooning. He threw an arm over Cas, placing his hand over his heart.

"How about this?" He asked, nose buried in the nape of Cas' neck.

"This is nice." Cas admitted and moved a little until he was comfy. His butt brushed against Dean's front which didn't help him out with his half-hard cock but for now he was content with having Cas this close.

"I swear." Dean felt the need to say. "One word about this to Sam and I will end you."

Cas placed his own hand over Dean's still on his chest. "Of course not." He promised and like that they went to sleep.

In the morning they were facing opposite ways with only their butts touching but waking up like this was nice, too. And it had the advantage that Dean wasn't pressing his morning wood against Cas. He didn't want the other man to get the idea that he had to do something about it.

Dean used his turn in the shower to take care of it and that was the only reason he didn't pop one the second he came out of the bathroom. Cas didn't have his jacket on and finally showed some of his body. He was stretching over the table, reaching for something, which gave Dean a really nice view on his butt in his dress pants. Dean totally had a thing for firm butts in dress pants.

He would have liked to put a hand on it but Sam was in the room so he restrained himself and hurried to put his shirt on.

Of course that little bastard had to ask the most intimate questions but Cas managed to shut him up quite gloriously. Served him right.

They dropped Sam off in town and then went to have a look at the bodies and a little chat with the coroner. It felt good to be working again and Dean wouldn't mind shooting something. He had no idea what they were hunting but something that chew somebody's face off sounded like something he wanted to shoot.

They had agreed to Animal Control as a cover and that was how Dean introduced them. At least Cas managed to hold his ID up the right way this time.

Okay, that was unfair, Cas had gotten the hang of this since then and as long as Dean didn't let him chose their aliases everything should work out just fine. And who knew, maybe Cas noticed something on the bodies a human eye would miss.

The coroner was a woman in her fifties who had seen her fair share of gruesome but she was at a loss with this one.

"Not a local animal." She said and opened the steel door to show them the latest victim. "That's for sure. But people keep all kinds of exotic animals as pets these days." She shrugged and stepped back to let Dean and Cas have a look.

"Sometimes it escapes or it gets too big and people just dump it somewhere."

Dean had a look at the body in front of him. Where the face was supposed to be there was only a bloody mess left. As far as he could tell even the bones were crushed beyond recognition.

"A guess what kind of animal we're looking for?" Dean asked the coroner but had an eye on Cas as well. Both shook their heads.

"I'm not even sure if I'm looking at claw or teeth marks here." She admitted. "I didn't find hair or anything else with DNA on it. Just nothing."

"That's unusual." Dean had to admit. "An animal would leave something behind, right? Hair or saliva?"

She nodded to that, clearly not liking where this was heading. "If it's too small or just not enough I might have missed it, this is not CSI, you know, but I can tell you, I looked. I've never seen anything like this and I want to solve this puzzle."

"I'm not saying you missed something." Dean hurried to say. "Maybe there is nothing it find."

They had a look at the other body that was still here, the other two had been released by now. The coroner gave them the reports. It was the same with all of them. No clear bite or claw marks, just the complete front of the head missing, and no DNA or anything that would help to narrow it down. Officially this was handled as an animal attack but only because they couldn't think of a way a human could have done something like this. The victims weren't beaten or stabbed or in any other way injured that would let them think of a human attacker.

When they left the building they could rule out a lot of things but weren't one step closer to figuring this out.

"Do you have any idea?" Dean asked because he was drawing a blank.

"I'm sorry." Cas admitted. "I've never seen something like this before."

"Maybe Sam had more luck on his end." Dean said and got his phone out. Sam was on his way to interview the witness but his visit at the police station had brought him just as much information as Dean and Cas had gathered.

"Let's have a look at where Nancy has been found." Dean suggested. "And then we see what the families have to tell."

There was still yellow police tape marking the place but that was all there was to see.

"Nancy got dragged here." Dean turned around to get a better feeling for his surroundings. "The bushes block the view to the path, the husband must have lost eye contact with her at least for a moment."

"And that moment has been enough of to murder her." Cas finished the sentence for him. "However, I don't see anything around here. There's not even that much blood."

Cas had a point there. Head wounds usually bled like a bitch but except for a few drops in the grass there was nothing there.

"It hasn't been raining since then, has it?" Dean asked because the rain could have washed most of the blood way. But the grass looked dry and when he dug his knife in the ground the soil beneath the grass was dry as well. It hadn't rained for a while around here.

"Okay, let's talk to some people." Dean stood up and cleaned his knife at his pants before he put it away.

The families were nice and glad that somebody was still investigating but in the end they couldn't provide any helpful information. One victim had been attacked on his way home from work, the other one came from the fitness center. As far as the families could tell they had never met.

"Thank you for your time." Dean closed his notepad with next to no notes in it and with Cas on his heels he left. They picked up Sam in town and then went back to the motel to exchange notes.

"Okay." Sam sat down and took out his notes. "Andrew saw something."

"Something something?" Dean asked and got three bottles of beer out of the fridge. Sam took it with barely a glance but Cas accepted it as if this was something special. They really should go out more often.

"At first he went with the animal he hadn't really seen but when I dug a little deeper he admitted that he saw it." Sam made a dramatic pause and Dean just wanted to smack him over the head. "He said it wasn't an animal, it was more like a cloud or something."

"A demon?" Cas asked what was on Dean's mind.

"He described it more like fog, white and gray, not black." Sam dismissed the idea. "Would be pretty strange behavior for a demon anyway."

"You never know with those suckers." Dean pointed with his bottle at Sam. "If they can screw with people demons can come up with some pretty sick stuff."

"If you say so." Sam said and Dean knew he didn't mean it that way but those careless words still cut deep.

"Sorry, I didn't mean ..." Sam realized his mistake but it was too late, the damage was done. Not that Dean let him on about that.

"Yeah, I know." Smiling like he didn't care Dean took a swig from his bottle. Under the table Cas' hand found its way to his knee. Dean didn't look at him but now his smile felt less forced.


	7. Chapter 6

It took them three frustrating days and two more deaths to figure this one out. Whatever it was it had upped its game and was striking more frequently now. However, the last victim finally gave them the right hint.

Of course it was Dean who pieced together the pattern. He had always been good with patterns. Not that he would ever believe it when Sam pointed that out to him.

The latest victim was the owner of Jacob's Antiques. The same antiques store one of the earlier victims had worked at. The same antiques store victim number three had passed and most likely stopped at on her way home from the fitness center and it was the same antiques store Nancy and Andrew had visited on a shopping trip.

Every victim had been at the store, now they only had to find out what was causing the deaths and how to stop it.

After studying the store's inventory list for hours, with the owner dead the store was closed so Sam hoped there wouldn't be any more victims, he was pretty sure he'd narrowed it down to one object.

Just in time because Dean was more than ready to just burn the whole store to the ground and be done with it. The only reason he had been this patient for hours had been Cas who managed to shut him up with only a glance. Sam knew that would probably wear off as soon as this thing between them wasn't so new and exciting anymore. At some point Dean would realize that this was real and that Cas was not running for the hills after one wrong word.

But for as long as it lasted Sam had every intention to take full advantage of it.

Dean was still amenable to what he called Sam's puppy dog eyes but this was new and Dean hadn't quite figured out yet what Cas was doing.

Not that it didn't work the other way around, though. Cas would do anything if Dean just threw him one of those glances.

"A cursed locket." Dean let out a groan.

"Yep." Sam made, he was just as happy about this as Dean. Cursed objects sucked. And they were hard to destroy, most of them could only be locked away with the hope that nobody was dumb enough to open one of the boxes. Yeah, sure. That one never worked out in the long run. But with the bunker at hand now they had a place to safely store things like that. There were already rooms full of chests and boxes Sam really didn't want to open in the depths of the bunker.

"There is a tragic love story behind this." He started his explanation but one look at Dean and he changed his mind. "Long story short, she pines after him, he ignores her 'as if she doesn't have a face', she curses him, guy gets his face eaten off."

"Super." Dean rubbed his face. "You have a picture of that thing?"

"We need a curse box to store the object." Cas threw in, looking from one Winchester to the other. He was the only one looking excited about this and Sam wondered if angels could get cursed. He wasn't keen on finding out so Sam made a mental note to keep an eye on both, his brother and the angel, so they wouldn't touch anything they shouldn't touch. Maybe he should go alone …

Preparing the curse box took another two hours and it was almost ten in the evening when they finally stood in front of the store.

"Why do we always have to do this at night?" Dean complained while he handed out flashlights.

With the store closed they could technically wait until morning but with six fatalities so far Sam wasn't willing to risk that. Despite his complaining Dean thought the same, Sam knew that, and Cas was willing to follow their lead in this, knowing that they were the experts when it came to hunting.

The lock was a joke and a minute later they fanned out to search the selling floor for the locket.

"Don't touch anything." Sam hissed after the other two and hoped that he would find it first.

There was no particular order in the way the objects were displayed. An 18th century Chinese cabinet stood next to a 16th century English knight's armor, a collection of antique rifles next to tin toys.

"Sweet." He heard Dean from the other end of the room and a quick glance in his direction confirmed that Dean had found the swords.

"Aren't we looking for jewelry?" Cas commented Dean's enthusiasm but didn't stop him when Dean took out a two-handed longsword and swung it experimentally.

In the end it was Sam who found the locket. In a bargain bin near the entrance. It was a miracle that there hadn't been more deaths, every customer coming in could have touched it.

"Cas, do you have the box?" Sam asked over his shoulder while he used a pen to untangle the locket from the other necklaces.

That was the moment everything went sideways. Sam had made sure he didn't touch the locket but that didn't seem to matter. Maybe it knew they were here to lock it away or it just liked to lash out at random people, either way, Sam was screwed.

One second he was looking for Cas to bring the box, the next he was dragged across the room. He lost his flashlight and the locket during the struggle and could only try to shield his head while he crashed into shelves and showcases. Glass shattered, wood splintered and above all he heard Dean yelling his name.

Then there was something on his face. Cool and misty like the air on a November's morning. Knowing what was happening he tried to fight it off but he couldn't fight mist. His fists went straight through it, it was like hitting thin air, and he could only hope that the others could take care of the locket in time.

His face burned and he screamed which only made him breathe in that stuff. Now the insides of his mouth and nose burned as well and he could only scream in agony when it started to eat away his flesh.

Around him he noticed hectic movement and for a second he could focus enough to yell Dean's name in hope that he would understand and go for the locket. Then everything was lost in the mist surrounding his head again.

"Cas!" He heard his brother screaming over his own cries and then all of a sudden it was gone.

Sam lay on his back in a pile of debris and broken glass and didn't dare to move. A second later Dean was at his side.

"Sammy." Dean dropped to his knees next to him, carefully plucking bits and pieces out if his hair and clothes without having a real look at his face just yet. His flashlight pointed in another direction but Sam knew sooner or later Dean had to have a look and then he would have to tell Sam how bad it really was.

His skin was burning, if he had any left, that is, so were his nose and throat. As if he'd been standing to close to an explosion. And what was that telling about his life that he knew exactly how that felt?

"You got it?" Sam asked, his voice dry and raspy. No matter how often he swallowed or moved his tongue around he couldn't bring up enough moisture to lose the sandpaper feeling in his mouth.

"It's locked away." Cas came over, locked box under his arm. "You look terrible."

"Don't mind him." Dean dismissed him. "He says that a lot lately."

"How bad is it?" Sam asked and probed the side of his face with his fingertips. He hissed in pain but he felt skin under his fingertips which he counted as a plus.

"You'll live." Dean answered and held his hand out to help Sam back to his feet. He didn't ask Cas to help Sam so it couldn't be that bad, Sam figured.

Back at the car Dean wetted a towel with a bottle of water and Sam took it gratefully. The cool wetness was like balm on his abused face.

At the motel he filled the towel with ice and dropped on his bed with a sigh.

"Got you some ointment." Dean had entered the room without him noticing but he's face was covered with three pounds of ice and a wet towel and he'd been about to doze off, of course he hadn't noticed.

"And I want to have a real look in proper light." Dean added, sitting down on the edge of Sam's bed.

Under his towel Sam sighed but he knew that Dean wouldn't leave him alone until he'd made sure it really wasn't that bad.

"Cas can ..." Dean started but Sam cut him off.

"It's just irritated." He said, finally taking off the towel to let Dean see his face. "Like a really bad sunburn. It'll heal." He didn't say that he didn't want Cas to burn more of his grace if it wasn't absolutely necessary.

Dean's face was close now and he had a hand gently under Sam's chin to turn his head back and forth to examine him from all sides.

"I'm fine." Sam said and he could clearly tell the moment when Dean decided that it really wasn't that bad.

"You should put on some of the ointment." He let go of Sam's chin and stood up.

"Jesus, Sammy." For a second Dean's walls crumbled and Sam saw how scared Dean had been and still was. Sam had only seen the pictures but Dean had been at the morgue, he had seen the bodies. Sam didn't want to know how close he'd been to joining them.

"You locked it away just in time." Sam assured him and patted his forearm.

"Cas did it." Dean said without looking him in the eye. "Don't know how he even found it in that mess."

Dean let out a breath and Sam could tell that he finally let himself believe that Sam was indeed fine.

"I'll put on the ointment and use more of the ice, it will better in the morning."

Dean nodded to that and Sam could tell how badly he wanted to stay the night here in the room with him but Sam gently kicked him out. Most of all he needed sleep and there was nothing Dean could do to help him anyway.

"Hope Cas takes care of him." Sam muttered at his reflection in the mirror. He looked bad, that was true, and it was telling just how shocked Dean was when he didn't even make a Freddy Krueger reference.

Sam squeezed a big dollop out of the tube Dean had left for him and carefully spread it over his face. The cooling effect took hold immediately and Sam breathed easier when his skin didn't feel three sizes too small anymore.

When he came back to the main room, he found his soaking wet towel replaced with a stack of fresh ones and a bucket of ice next to his bed. And there was a glass of water and painkillers on the nightstand.

"Thanks, Dean." Sam murmured into the empty room and made himself a fresh ice bag. He took two of the pills and then lay back with the ice bag on his face and was asleep a minute later.

He woke up in the middle of the night in a puddle of ice cold water but he didn't care enough to change the linings. He just threw out the wet towel and replaced it with a fresh one to cover up the wet spot, flipped his pillow over and then went back to sleep.

The next time he woke up, he felt better. His face was still burning and he might have a light fever but all in all he felt good. Good enough to wonder if he was considered sick enough for breakfast in bed.


	8. Chapter 7

Sam could have died. While Dean had been playing around with the sword Sam could have died.

Dean clenched his fists, anger vibrated through his body and he felt the urge to punch somebody. He knew that was the Mark talking, partly, but that didn't change the fact that he had screwed up, again, and that Sam could have died, again, and that punching somebody in the face right now would make him feel better.

Dean stood outside Sam's door for a few minutes and couldn't bring himself to really leave his brother. Because he didn't want to leave Sam alone, because he needed to make sure that he was fine, those would have been his answers if somebody would have asked and they would have been true. Also true was that he wasn't sure where he would go once he had forced himself to move.

Everything was quiet and Sam was probably asleep by now and Dean should really go back to his own room. Or to a bar for a beer and a brawl.

"How is he?" Suddenly Cas stood next to him, question asked in a low tone to not disturb Sam.

"He's fine." Dean set his jaw and started walking towards their room.

Sam had said he was fine. He looked fine. As fine as he could look with a baboon's ass for a face and, damn, Dean should have thought of taking pictures.

Cas followed him back to their room and not long after that they lay in bed next to each other but Dean couldn't stop thinking. Or even unclench his fists.

The moment that thing had gone for Sam replayed in his mind over and over again. He heard Sam's screams while that misty foggy thing tried to eat off his face.

His own frantic search for the locket, his panic when he couldn't find it. Dean closed his eyes and let out a hitched breath.

"I could go over and heal him." Cas broke the silence. Looked like Dean wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep.

"He's fine." Dean repeated. If he said it often enough, maybe he would believe it in the end. "Thanks to you, Cas."

If Cas hadn't been there … Dean didn't want to think about it.

There was movement next to him when Cas rolled to his side, facing him now, and then he laid his hand gently on Dean's chest.

He didn't say anything. He was just there, warm against Dean's side, and that alone was enough to loosen that knot in Dean's stomach.

"Sam is fine." Cas said it as if it was some kind of mantra. He started stroking Dean's chest in firm circles and now Dean was suddenly very aware of the fact how close they were. Cas' thumb brushed over his nipple. Dean sucked in a breath, feeling the flesh pebble under Cas' touch.

Next to him Cas shifted and not only physically. Dean could almost feel him making up his mind. The hand went from circles on his chest to strokes up and down his front, each time going downwards a little farther.

"Cas?" Dean asked and didn't move, curious what the angel was up to. By now his hand had disappeared under the covers and he felt it warm on his skin between the waistband of his briefs and the ridden up t-shirt.

"Relax." Cas' voice was husky in his ear, sending shivers through Dean's body which went straight to his dick. Which was very close to Cas' hand.

Then his fingers dipped underneath the waistband and Dean felt them brush ever so lightly over his already half-hard cock.

"Cas, you don't have to …" Dean felt the need to say but then Cas closed his hand around him and Dean lost that train of thoughts.

"I want to." Cas placed a kiss behind Dean's ear, right on that soft spot, and then trailed along his jawline until their mouths met in a tender kiss.

This was clearly the first handjob Cas had ever given, he alternated between too rough and almost nothing without any finesse in his strokes.

It was the best handjob Dean had in his life because, hey, Cas' hand on his dick, he could almost come from that thought alone.

His nails dug into Cas' shoulder when he threw his head back and arched with his whole body into the tunnel of Cas' fist. His orgasm ripped through him in shock-waves and ropes and ropes of come splashed over Cas' hand and Dean's stomach. It felt like he was coming for hours.

"Damn, that was good." Panting he just lay there, catching his breath.

"You're welcome." Cas cleaned his hand with a tissue and then settled next to him, hand once again on Dean's chest.

Wrung out and bone deep tired Dean drifted off to sleep.

He woke up late the next morning. Hiding from the offending sun he snuggled deeper under the covers for just five minutes longer before he had to leave the comfy warmth of the bed. Blindly he reached over to Cas, just to make sure that he really was there and it wasn't just a dream, but his searching hand only found Cas' side of the bed cold and empty.

Instantly wide awake Dean bolted upright. Cas was nowhere in sight and the bathroom door was open wide enough to confirm that there was no angel in there either.

"Cas?" Dean asked nevertheless but of course didn't get an answer. Uneasiness settled in the pit of his stomach and on some level he was sure that Cas was gone for good. He knew that wasn't the case, he was probably over at Sam's room or out to get them breakfast but Dean could not shake off the feeling that Cas would leave him rather sooner than later and that maybe today was the day.

He and Cas were fine, at least judging by the awesome handjob Cas had given him last night, Dean reminded himself and rolled out of bed and went for a shower. The hot water cleared his mind and loosened his muscles and only then he realized that he had left Cas hanging, or in this case standing.

"Way to go, Dean." He muttered under his breath and turned his face into the spray. He probably should find a way to make it up to him. As soon as he'd found out where his stray angel was. Dean was struggling with his jeans when his phone rang.

"Sam?" He answered in a haste when he saw the caller ID.

"Morning." Sam greeted him but he didn't sound cheerful. "Cas brought breakfast, come over." And with that he hung up. Dean stared at his phone for a second, repeating Sam's words in his mind. They solved the mystery of the lost angel but what worried him more was the fact that Sam hadn't sounded right. As if he had been talking through his teeth. Dean took the bottle with their good pills out of the first aid kit before he left his room.

When he entered Sam's room he found his brother sitting on the bed, a cup of coffee in his hand, and Cas at the table with more coffee and bags of food.

For a ridiculous second he wondered where Cas had gotten the money to buy them breakfast but then Cas greeted him with a warm smile and everything else was forgotten.

The way Sam tried to not smile at that told him how utterly in love he must act but for now his little brother could just go and screw himself.

"Thanks, Cas." Dean accepted a cup and took a seat. He breathed in the rich aroma of the coffee before he took a sip and when it ran down his throat he leaned back in his chair with a sigh.

_That's how you start a morning,_ he thought.

"How's your face?" He asked over the rim of the cup, a searching eye on Sam.

"Better." Sam answered and did his best to not open his mouth for that. "As long as I don't talk too much."

His face was still puffy red and irritated, his eyes almost swollen shut but he didn't seem to have problems breathing.

"Here, take one of these." Dean fished the bottle out of his pocket and the way Sam didn't protest and just swallowed one pill was telling him enough.

"We should stay here for the day and drive back home tomorrow." He suggested. Most of all Sam needed rest and he couldn't get that when he was cramped up in the car all day.

"I'd rather go back now." Sam said, of course he'd say that. "It's not too bad and once the pill kicks in ..." He shrugged.

"You sure?" Dean asked and wasn't quite convinced that this was a good idea. "Have you looked in the mirror lately? We're not close enough to Halloween to let you out like this in public." He joked but underneath he was worried. Sam looked better but in the harsh light of the morning sun there was no hiding the ugly truth.

Without a word Sam reached for something behind him on the bed. He put on a base cap and sunglasses, then he pulled up the hood of his hoodie.

"Now you look like a celebrity going out incognito." Dean commented. "Or like a pervert."

Sam showed him the finger before he got back to his coffee. Small sips, that won't stretch his lips too far, and as far as Dean could tell Sam hadn't eaten something solid yet and he didn't show any intention to do so.

Dean made a mental not to get him a smoothie or something else cool with some calories in it at the next gas station. His throat was probably as sore as his face.

"Okay." Dean finally agreed to the idea. This motel was nothing he would miss and he was looking forward to his own bed back in the bunker and if Sam said he was up for the ride back, he had to believe him.

Half an hour later they were in the car. Cas rode shotgun and Sam huddled up in the backseat. By now the pill had kicked in, making him dozy, and Dean wasn't surprised when he had drifted off to sleep before they had left town.

At the next gas station he went to get Sam smoothies, juice and soft snacks he should be able to chew and swallow without farther irritating his throat. Cas stayed in the car, keeping an eye on Sam, and didn't say a word about the little detour.

Sam woke up an hour later and actually took one of the smoothies Cas handed him before he made himself comfortable again and drifted back to sleep. Dean drove as smoothly as possible to not jostle Sam around more than necessary but he still made good time. He wanted Sam back home and stretched out in his bed as soon as possible.

Back at the bunker Sam went straight for his room but accepted the ice bag Dean brought him a moment later with a little smile. By then the irritation wasn't that angry red anymore and he could look Dean in the eye, more or less. His eyes were still swollen and Dean considered dubbing him Rocky for the time being.

However, he looked well enough for Dean to stop worrying. In the back of his mind he had wanted Cas to just work his magic but with his grace burning out he didn't want him to waste it on something that would heal on its own just fine either. However, it always felt wrong when he saw Sam in pain.

"Rest." Dean said and turned towards the door. "I'll get you when dinner is ready."


	9. Chapter 8

Sam woke up in the middle of the night and felt way too well rested to go back to sleep. His face was itching now but at least the pain was dull enough to be ignored. With a groan he rolled out of bed and went for a shower. He didn't turn the water warmer than barely tepid, just warm enough to not rattle his teeth under the spray, and at least for his face the water did wonders. Carefully he dried it off with a soft towel and put more ointment on which had magically found its way to the bathroom. Along with the painkillers.

After weeks of being alone in the bunker, worried sick about Dean, such a little gesture warmed his heart. Dean was back and he actually cared about Sam again. And he had finally admitted his feelings to Cas, a thing Sam had never expected to happen but his brother and the angel were clearly in love and enjoying this new thing between them.

Sam had one last look at his reflection in the mirror. His face looked better, now it could pass as a bad case of sunburn despite the fact that it was the wrong time of the year for sunburns. But he had no intention to leave the bunker before his face looked like his face again so he didn't care about believable explanations anyway.

Quietly to not wake Dean or Cas, Sam walked over to the library. He could use the quiet of the night to get some work done.

"When will he ever learn to switch off the lights?" Sam muttered when he noticed light coming from the library. They didn't have to pay for anything, a fact that was driving Dean nuts – Where were the electricity and the water coming from? How could they have reception with several feet of concrete all around them? – but it didn't sit right with Sam to just leave the lights on or the water running.

"You've saved the planet often enough." Had been Dean's answer when he'd pointed it out to him one day and Sam swore Dean left the lights on on purpose now.

However, when he turned around the corner Sam didn't find the library as deserted as he'd expected it to be.

Cas sat at one of the tables with Sam's laptop in front of him. Whatever he was doing, he was so engrossed that he hadn't noticed him yet. Sam opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by a masculine groan coming from the laptop.

"You like that?" A male voice asked followed by the telltale sound of skin slapping against skin. "You like getting fucked like this?"

There was a stuttered _yes_ followed by more moans.

"Cas?" Sam stepped into the library. "What are you doing?"

As if it wasn't obvious. And Sam really wished that Cas would have taken Dean's laptop to watch his porn. Now Sam had to search the thing for viruses and other malware before he could use it again. However, that didn't give him an answer why Cas was sitting here in the middle of the night watching porn.

At least he had both hands on the table, Sam was grateful for small mercies here.

Cas looked up at him, not in the slightest ashamed by getting caught watching porn.

"I'm doing research." He said and as ridiculous as it sounded, Sam believed him in an instant. Cas narrowed his eyes on him and it took Sam a second to remember his injured face. "How do you feel?"

"Better." Sam answered, already sick of that question. He took a breath, not sure if he wanted to ask the next question but in the end curiosity won. "What are you researching?"

He took a seat opposite from Cas. From here he couldn't see the screen and Cas had paused or muted the video so there were no more disturbing sounds coming from the speakers.

"I don't have sexual experience with men." Cas answered with only a brief second of hesitation.

"And you think this will help you?" Sam pointed at the laptop. He did remember the pizza man incident so Cas might actually learn something from this but still. "You know that's all fake, right?"

"I am aware that this is a fantasy produced for sexual pleasure." Cas nodded in earnest. "But I thought I could lean something about the basics from it." His eyes traveled back to the screen, his expression almost wistful.

"Dean has experience with other men." Sam said carefully. The last thing he wanted to do was to talk or even think about Dean's sexual experience. "I'm sure he can help you with any question you have." Thinking about it, it was odd that they hadn't crossed that line already. Dean wasn't the romantic type who waited for the right moment. He lived in the now, there might be no later, so Sam was surprised that they still slept in different rooms.

"I know about the ... positions." Cas said and Sam felt the heat rising into his face. At least it was already red so Cas couldn't see him blushing. "But I don't know what Dean likes."

Sam wondered for a moment whom he might have pissed off to deserve this but then he took pity on Cas. The angel was lost here and just wanted to do the right thing.

"This is not only about what Dean wants." Sam explained. "You have to ask yourself what you want. Talk to Dean about this, I'm sure you two can figure it out. Believe me, Dean is all for trial and error when it comes to sex, you'll find a way to make it right for both of you."

Cas didn't look convinced but he nodded.

"Seriously." Sam said. "Talk to him."

"I will." Cas shut the laptop and stood up and Sam wondered if he would go and wake Dean at three in the morning to discuss sex positions with him. "Thank you, Sam."

Sam waited until Cas had left the room before he hurried to get out of the chair. He wanted to know if Cas was going straight for Dean or to his own room. Glancing around the corner he saw Cas stopping at Dean's door but then he kept on walking and opened the door to his own room.

Shaking his head with a grin Sam returned to the table with the laptop sitting innocently on top. As far as Sam could tell Cas hadn't shut anything so there might be some porn waiting for him when he turned it on.

Sam made a face but then he opened it and pushed the button. He would be lying if he said he wasn't a little bit curious what Cas had been watching for his research. Gay porn wasn't Sam's thing but he didn't felt grossed out or anything when he accidentally stumbled over it, at least not more than he was by other porn.

However, what greeted him when the screen came back to life wasn't at all what he'd expected. One man was tied face down to a bench, his thoroughly whipped ass up in the air while a second man in some kind of leather harness fucked him roughly from behind.

Sam couldn't click the x in the upper corner quickly enough. That was totally not his thing. And now he wondered in which position Cas had pictured himself. And which he'd left for Dean. Sam could picture neither of them in anything like this but he didn't really want to think about this too closely. He loved Dean and Cas but there were things he really didn't want to know about them.

"Maybe he's just stumbled over this by accident." Sam muttered to himself and started cleaning the laptop from every evidence of Cas' research. Somehow he doubted Cas had been looking for something like this. Either way, this was none of Sam's business. But he couldn't help the smile creeping on his lips when he thought about the conversation these two would have in the near future. He would like to play fly on the wall to that, just to see Dean stutter in embarrassment.

Sam made himself more comfortable in the chair and went back to work. He wasn't searching for a new case, the last one had been more than enough for a while, thank you very much, but there was still the Mark of Cain and Cas' grace. And Sam got the feeling both problems weren't easy to solve.

By the time Dean was up, Sam had piled up books and notes all around him, his eyes were burning and not from the irritation, and he wasn't one step closer to a solution to their problems.

"You're up early." Dean commented when he came in with fresh coffee. Sam rose his head more to the smell of the coffee than to his brother but with that he gave Dean the chance to examine his face and that was apparently all Dean wanted. Sam held his gaze until Dean smiled at him, indicating that he liked what he was seeing.

"You look almost human again." He set one mug on the most stable pile of Sam's notes and then settled into a chair with his legs stretched out, warming both hands on his own coffee. Dean hadn't bothered with dressing just yet so he sat there in his dead guy's robe with showing way too much leg for Sam's liking. For some reason he pictured him with a leather harness beneath the robe and he had to shake his head to get rid of that picture.

_Dammit, Cas,_ Sam thought but grinned into his coffee. Should he warn Dean? Tell him about Cas' research? Sam thought about that for a second but then decided against it, he didn't want to spoil the surprise.

"Cas still sleeping?" Sam asked as innocently as possible.

"Yeah." Dean scratched the back of his head. "For an angel he's sleeping a lot lately."

Sam didn't know what to say to that. Angels didn't sleep, that was a fact. The only times Cas had needed to sleep had been when he'd lost his connection to heaven, had become human or was running out of grace.

"I'm looking for a way to find his grace." Sam said because that was the only thing he could say to that. Dean knew as well as Sam that a sleeping Cas wasn't a healthy Cas, to put it lightly.

Dean didn't answer. He just nodded and took another sip from his coffee.

"How is it going between you two?" Sam asked and could only hope that Dean would take the question as the genuine interest of a brother it was meant and not as prying on his part.

"Good." Dean set the mug on the table and rolled it between his hands.

"That's good." Sam said and meant it. "You know that I wouldn't mind if you two would share a room, right?" He was on thin ice here, he knew that but he couldn't shake off the feeling that he was the reason they hadn't gone farther yet.

They had shared the double bed Sam had forced on them in the motel without complaining but back in the bunker they stayed in their own rooms.

Thinking of the way Dean had awkwardly told him that he and Cas were together now, Sam wasn't sure if Dean was still worried that Sam would react badly to this. Dean hadn't hid this part of himself but he hadn't actually shown it either and it might be hard to break with old habits here. Not that it had ever been necessary around Sam.

Now Dean glanced at him.

"And you know that's none of your business, right?" He shot back but there was something in his expression that told Sam that he got the message. Sam raised his hands in defeat.

"Just saying." With that he went back to work and Dean left to get himself some breakfast.


	10. Chapter 9

Dean left the library and went to the kitchen in search for breakfast.

_Great_, he thought. _Now Sam's pushing._

It was none of Sam's business where Cas slept or what they did or did not in bed. Or anywhere else.

However, Sam was right that the main reason Cas had his own room was in fact Sam. Back then Dean hadn't been sure how his brother would react and he had wanted to play it safe for a while. Sharing a bed with Cas at the motel had been nice, Dean couldn't deny that, and he would love to have him next to him every night. Maybe he should just ask Cas to come over tonight, Dean thought. Maybe they could try something more than a quick handjob. But one thing was holding him back.

There was something off in Cas' behavior. Dean didn't get the vibe that Cas was ready for more. He couldn't put his finger on it but except for that one blunt offer to have sex with him, Cas had never initiated anything. Anything that was more than cuddling and kissing, Cas was all for cuddling and kissing. More for the cuddling part, though, he didn't seem to be able to keep his hands off Dean. Not that he really tried to keep his hands to himself. But that was it, so far Cas had never indicated that he was in for more just yet.

Sure, he had jacked Dean off the other night but that had been for Dean's pleasure only. As far as he could remember, and he was a little fuzzy about the details here, Cas hadn't gotten anything out of it.

But it was not only Cas. Dean himself wasn't sure if he was ready to take the next step. Not because he didn't want to. He wanted it too much.

He wanted to grab Cas, pin him down and just take him. Rough and dirty and quick. It was the Mark, he knew that.

Thoughts like this weren't new to him, they'd always been there, but with him becoming a demon he'd lost his boundaries and he hadn't gotten them all back when he'd turned human again.

Take what you want, had been his creed back then and the Mark was still whispering the same words to him. It was tempting, though, so tempting. He wanted to feel Cas under him, wanted to bite him until he tasted blood, wanted to put his own mark on him, making him his.

He couldn't do that. He couldn't do that to Cas.

Cas strolled into the kitchen right when Dean had the scrambled eggs and the bacon ready. Dean fixed them two plates and then they sat down to eat. Before he dug in Dean leaned over and placed a kiss on Cas' lips who hummed in response with his eyes closed.

Dean grinned and turned his attention to the plate in front of him.

"How did you sleep?" He asked.

"I couldn't sleep so I got up and did some research on the internet." Cas told him between bits of scrambled eggs.

"Found something?"

"Are you more a top or a bottom?" Cas asked and reached for a stripe of bacon.

Dean choked on his eggs. Coughing and spitting he fought for air while the question rang in his ears.

"What?" He finally managed to ask between wheezing breaths.

"Are you more a top or a bottom?" Cas repeated his question, his eyes now on Dean as if he tried to figure out what was going on. Then he seemed to remember the bacon in his hand and took a bite.

"You do know that Sam is right around the corner, right?" Dean hissed because talking to Cas about stuff like this was embarrassing enough but with Sam in earshot? No. Just no.

"What kind of question is that anyway?" At least Cas seemed to know what he was asking so Dean didn't have to start with the birds and the bees like he'd feared. And bee metaphors around Cas? He should be careful with that. He didn't want to repeat that one incident with Cas showing up on his car, naked, covered in bees. He could go with naked Cas bent over the hood of his car, a lascivious smile crept on his lips, but bees? That was where he drew the line.

"I tried to understand the dynamics of a gay relationship and Sam said …" Cas continued while Dean was still trying to get the image out of his head and to focus on what Cas was saying.

"Sam said?" Dean interrupted. "You have talked to Sam about this?"

"He came in when I did my research ..."

"Do I want to know what kind of research you were doing?" Dean thought in horror of the possibilities here. Sam hadn't said a word earlier but that didn't mean anything.

"I was watching some very educating clips when he interrupted me." Cas confirmed Dean's wildest imagination. Okay, knowing Cas it wasn't that wild. He would watch everything just because it was there. And he had a hunger for everything human.

"And that led you to this question?" Dean made the circle back the the initial question.

"I wanted to be prepared." Cas said quietly, now looking down in shame. "This is new to me."

"I'm sorry, Cas." Dean sighed. Sometimes he forgot how different Cas was. By now he blended in quite well but he was an angel, he would never fully understand humans. He had more of an insight than his fellow angels but he would never really understand.

"That's why I don't want to rush things, we have time to figure this out." Dean smiled at him and now Cas smiled back.

"So." Cas drew out the word. "Would you rather like to top or to bottom?"

Dean sighed. "We need to talk about stuff like this, I get that, but I am not doing that with Sam probably hiding around the corner." He raised his voice at the last part, just in case his brother was indeed within earshot.

"He left rather abruptly when I asked the question the first time." Cas admitted sheepishly.

Dean stared at him for a second before he burst out laughing.

Over the day Dean didn't see much of Cas. His angel and his brother were huddling up in the library all day to find a solution for their piling problems. Mainly Cas' grace and the Mark of Cain but there was other stuff, that needed attention, too. Heaven was still closed for construction and the souls were stuck in the veil. That wasn't on top of Dean's to do list and they would get to that problem rather later than sooner but it was something on Cas' mind. As well as the order in heaven in general. As far as Dean knew Cas hadn't heard from Hannah in days which in his book counted as good news. He didn't really like the angel but if he was honest he didn't know her beyond the fact that she had made Cas choose between him and his army. From a strategist's point of view Dean understood where she was coming from but on a personal level it wasn't exactly trust building. However, she was a competent leader and when she didn't come running to get their help, okay, Cas' help, things were more or less fine in heaven.

Dean would have liked to spent the day with Cas, not that he would ever admit that, but when he saw how Cas and Sam sat in the library, heads stuck together and discussing quietly over some books, he didn't mind being left out. Research wasn't really his thing and as long as he didn't have to do it, he was fine with sticking it to Sam.

He did get the feeling that Cas was avoiding him, though. After their little chat over breakfast it wasn't that surprising and Dean didn't think much of it.

Sam was still recovering from his injuries, his face hadn't returned to its usual color or even shape yet, so after dinner he turned in early.

"Just you and me now." Dean said and offered Cas a beer. "Anything you have in mind for the evening?"

Cas took the beer but put it on the table immediately. Then his mouth was on Dean's and his hand was cupping Dean's head and the beer in his own hand was forgotten. They kissed for a moment, bodies flush together, and Dean felt the heat building up.

They parted only far enough to look each other in the eye.

"You want to move this over to the bed?" Dean asked. He was sick of waiting. He wanted Cas. Now.

"Yes." Cas nodded eagerly and brought their lips back together. He opened his mouth willingly for Dean to explore and it took them several minutes to make the short distance to Dean's room.

By then their hands had sneaked under the layers of shirts and Dean felt the soft skin of Cas' hip just above the waistband of his pants under his fingers. Spreading his hand on the small of Cas' back he pressed him closer to him, bringing their groins together. Dean was rock hard by now and he felt an equally hard line on Cas' side of too much fabric between them.

"How do you want to do this?" Dean breathed into Cas' mouth. This was Cas' first time with a man and he wanted to let Cas take the lead.

"I don't know." Cas admitted. He had his hands down the back of Dean's jeans, skin on skin, kneading the muscles of his butt.

"We'll go slow." Dean promised and reached for Cas' fly. "Step by step, we can stop whenever you want." For some reason he felt the need to emphasize that part. If this was too much, too soon he wanted Cas to know that they didn't have to do this. And at the same time he fought against the urge to just rip his clothes off and bent him over.

Piece by piece they undressed each other and then they lay down on the bed, naked with tangled legs and roaming hands. They never broke the kiss for longer than a few seconds and Dean thought he could just come from this. Cas' lips and hands on him, their hard cocks trapped between their heated bodies, damn this was good.

"There's lube in the nightstand." Dean said and reached for the drawer blindly. There were condoms in there too but he wouldn't need those. He knew he was clean and he doubted that angels could get or pass on STD anyway.

With the bottle in hand Dean propped himself up on his elbows and just looked down on Cas for a moment. His lips were plush from the kissing, his pupils blown wide and he just looked adorable.

"Can I fuck you?" Dean asked quietly. So far Cas hadn't shown any intention in either direction so Dean figured it would be best to go with what he enjoyed the most because with that he had the most experience and he knew he could make it good for Cas.

Cas' eyes went wider and he jerked his head in a nod. Dean kissed him again.

"This is cold." Dean warned him when he brought his lubed finger to Cas' entrance. Like expected Cas flinched at the feeling but then relaxed when Dean gently tapped the wrinkled skin and circled the entrance without breaching the muscle.

"I'm going slow." Dean promised and let his fingertip slip in. Cas lay very still under him and for a moment Dean thought he wasn't doing it right. "This okay?"

"Keep going." Cas craned his neck to give Dean a peck on the lips.

Working his finger farther in Dean found Cas' sweet spot and now he knew he was doing it right. He watched in awe when Cas started to pant and writhe under his attention.

"Dean ... Dean." Cas threw his head from one side to the other and Dean felt comfortable enough to add a second finger. Taking his sweet time Dean tapped and circled Cas' prostate just to watch him falling apart.

"Dean!" Cas screamed and arched his back, his rock hard cock spurting ropes of come without a touch.

"I got you. Shh, I got you." Dean whispered in his ear but kept stroking Cas' insides until he fell back into the pillow. God, he looked so fucked out, Dean couldn't take his eyes off him.

Searching for his own release, Dean let go of Cas and reached for his own arching erection but Cas stopped him.

"Put it in." He said, his voice deeper and more husk than usual. "I want to feel you inside me."

Dean obliged. Cas was open and just waiting for him, it was amazing how easily Cas took him, and after only a few shallow thrusts into the tight heat around him Dean tumbled over the edge.


	11. Chapter 10

Sam woke up early the next morning, well rested and for once feeling human again. A quick glance in the mirror confirmed the last part was true, to a degree, and he decided that it was safe to try to shave today. He hadn't dared to do that before because hey pizza face Freddy Krueger but now he just wanted to look like himself again and that meant he needed to get rid of the stubble. He hadn't shaved this carefully since Dean had showed him how to do it when he'd been a teen but he managed it without cutting himself, much, and then he put more ointment on. Feeling better Sam left the bathroom and went to the kitchen for some coffee.

The bunker was quiet, Dean and Cas were probably still asleep, however, when he passed Cas' room, he found the door slightly ajar.

"Cas?" He asked quietly to not disturb the angel if he was still sleeping. But when he poked his head in, Sam found the room empty. He didn't find him in the kitchen or the library either and by now a grin had made its way to Sam's lips. The only other place he could think of where Cas might be was Dean's room.

"Finally." Sam poured himself a coffee, still with that stupid grin firmly in place. So it had been because of him, he thought and the grin slowly died on his face. They hadn't shared a room before because they had been worried what Sam might think about it.

"Good thing, I mentioned it." Sam muttered into his coffee. He had no idea for how long those two idiots would have tiptoed around him if he hadn't told Dean so forthrightly that it was okay with him if they shared a room.

It was kinda sad that Dean had felt the need to hide from Sam but at least he was out in the open now.

Not much later Sam heard noises coming from Dean's room indicating that they were awake. And that they'd found an answer to the top or bottom question Sam had overheard the other day. He hadn't stayed long enough to hear Dean's answer, there were things he really didn't want to know, but on some level he was grateful for Cas' bluntness when it came to awkward questions.

Sam took his coffee over to the library, here he was farther away from Dean's room and the things going on behind the door, and started working on his notes. They didn't have a lead to find Cas' grace so the only thing they could do was to go through everything the Men of Letters had on angels. Considering that the angels had been mostly inactive for over two thousand years, they had only come back into the picture recently when the apocalypse had been on the horizon, the Men of Letters had surprisingly much information on this topic. There was lore, a lot of it and sometimes quite conflictive, but behind the biblical lore and the non-biblical lore there was actually some profound stuff hidden.

It was just hard to tell what was actual fact and what was crap, though. With Cas around it was easier to differ between those two but even Cas didn't know everything about angels.

Sam went to the kitchen for a refill when the door to Dean's room opened and Cas stepped out. He wore Dean's robe, the ugly one he'd found in some old wardrobe and which he was so fond of for some reason. When Cas noticed Sam he muttered a "Morning." and then hurried to the bathroom.

Sam just stood in the hallway for a moment, trying to process the fact that Cas had just came out of Dean's room wrapped in his robe and for sure nothing else.

_At least he took the robe_, Sam thought to himself and shuddered a the thought of a naked Cas sneaking around the bunker.

Knowing that the others were awake now Sam started a fresh pot of coffee and then went back to his work.

Cas joined him not much later. By then he'd changed into his usual dress shirt and pants but he'd left the tie and the trench coat and for some reason that was more disturbing than the robe.

"Good morning, Sam." Cas announced again when he came into the room. A little too cheerful and his smile was a little too wide but Sam guessed he would react the same if the roles were reversed.

"Morning." Sam answered and nodded towards the chair next to him, indicating that he didn't mind if Cas chose to sit there.

"Did you sleep well?" He couldn't hold back that question but at the same time he feared what Cas might answer. He could be rather blunt with private information.

"I did." Cas confirmed and the smile on his face told Sam enough about the previous night. However, after a second the smile faltered and Cas sobered up.

"Did you find anything yet?" Cas changed the topic with a glance at the notes Sam was working on.

"Not really." He had to admit. "There is so much stuff but nothing that comes even close to your problem."

Anna came to mind who had ripped out her own grace and had become human. That had been ages ago and he didn't really like to think about that time of his life, it hadn't been his best but on the other hand, what time had been his best? However, that was the only case they knew where an angel had lost her grace and had survived. Except for Cas himself, that is. When his connection to heaven had been cut off he had become almost human and lately right after Metatron had stolen his grace Cas had actually been human. Just like Anna. Things only had gone sideways when Cas had taken the grace of another angel. For some reason that had led to him slowly dying while the borrowed grace faded away. There was just no case like Cas'.

They went back to reading because that was the only thing they could do. After a while Dean joined them but didn't stay for long. Sam noticed how his brother watched Cas out of the corner of his eye, though he doubted that Cas noticed, and Sam got the feeling that there was something on Dean's mind.

"I'm driving into town." Dean announced, tearing his eyes off Cas. "You need anything?" He looked from Cas to Sam and back again but they both shook their head.

Around lunch time, Dean wasn't back by then, Cas left without a word but Sam hardly noticed. He'd found a rather interesting text about Nephilim. He doubted it would do them any good with their problem but it was an interesting read. If the author could make up his mind which language he wanted to use. There was Latin mixed with a simplified version of Latin and the whole thing was peppered with old French and words he guessed were ancient Greek. It was a slow translation but the text was worth it, at least for later references.

At times like this he missed Bobby. How often had they stuck their heads together over ancient texts? Sam couldn't even remember the first time they had done that. He was pretty sure it had been Bobby who had taught him the finer points of Latin. John had all been for learning exorcism by heart when Sam had been a kid, always with the hint that he would teach him the real deal when he was older but he never came around to do that. Sam doubted John would have the patience for something like that anyway. Combat skills, weapon training, sure, but teaching a language? That had been Bobby's strong suit.

Great, now he was thinking of his dead biological and his dead surrogate father at the same time. Sam tried to focus on the text in front of him instead but the thoughts were persistent.

"Are you hungry?" Cas' voice startled him out of his thoughts. "I made sandwiches."

He put a plate on the only free corner of the table. Peanut butter and jelly, Sam noticed and he didn't have to take a bite to know that it was grape jelly.

"Thanks, Cas." He reached for one and now he was hyper aware of the fact that Dean wasn't there. Just like the last time he had seen Cas with a sandwich like this. At least this time Dean would come home with the groceries and not with the Mark of Cain. Okay, he would but yeah …

They ate in silence for a moment but then something occurred to Sam.

"Can you taste it?" Because as an angel he shouldn't. Not the way humans did.

"Almost." Cas studied the half eaten sandwich in his hand.

"I'm sorry." Sam said, at a loss for what else to say. "We'll find a way." However, he got the feeling they were running out of time. Cas was saving his grace whenever he could, old Cas would have healed Sam's face without a second thought, but in the end that wouldn't be enough.

"It's not your fault." Cas took another bite and closed his eyes at the taste.

Sam returned to his sandwich as well but he couldn't stop thinking about the last time they had been alone in the bunker. Okay, the memory of Cas stabbing a needle in his neck and almost killing him wasn't exactly his favorite memory but still. Back then they had worked together and that had felt good. Just like now. Too bad it hadn't worked out in the end but looking back Sam was glad that Cas hadn't followed Sam's order to just keep going. Cas might have found Gadreel that way but he would have killed Sam on the way. Sam had been okay with that, he had begged Cas to just do it, but now he was glad Cas hadn't done it.

"Remember when you extracted Gadreel's grace from me?" Something was nagging at the back of his mind. Something with this memory.

Cas looked up from his sandwich and swallowed before he answered: "Of course."

Of course he remembered. It was hard to forget even if you weren't an angel, Sam knew that. He remembered way too clearly himself.

"When you extracted the grace, the injuries from the trials came back." Sam summed up. His mind was close to something. It was on the tip of his tongue but he couldn't quite get it.

"Your body was still too damaged at that point." Cas explained. He put the rest of his sandwich back on the plate, his eyes burning into Sam's. "Gadreel's grace was the only thing keeping you alive."

"So you tried to heal me." Sam thought aloud.

"But my grace overlapped with Gadreel's, annihilating it." Cas continued for him. "What are you thinking of?" He tilted his head in curiosity.

"If it hadn't been for your grace interfering with Gadreel's." A thought formed in his mind. At some level he hoped that Cas would take it apart immediately but it was worth a try. "For how long would his grace stayed in me?"

And wasn't that a horrible thought? That he could have walked around with some angel's grace in him for a long time? Maybe forever? What about Lucifer? Did he still had a piece of his grace in him? Where they still connected?

"Grace is a form of energy." Cas tried to put it in human terms. "It doesn't just vanish."

"Does every angel leave a bit of his grace when he leaves a vessel?" Sam asked and tried really hard to not think of Lucifer.

"Yes." Cas confirmed. "Are you thinking of Lucifer?"

"Partly." Sam answered because that wasn't the only thing on his mind.

"There was some grace of him left in you, that is correct."

Sam closed his eyes and tried to breathe evenly. He'd thought that that chapter of his life was over, once and for all.

"That was what I took when I brought you back from insanity." Cas said quietly. "The last traces of his grace. You are clean of him, Sam."

Suddenly his eyes burned and he couldn't look Cas in the eye. He'd never dared to think about what exactly Cas had done back then. He had shifted Sam's insanity but Sam hadn't known what that meant.

"Thank you." His voice was thick with emotions.

"You are my friend." Cas said. "I do everything I can to help you. And it had been my fault." He fell quiet after that because it was true. He had brought Sam's wall down on purpose. With the clear intention to hurt Sam.

"That was a long time ago." Sam cleared his throat. "I was thinking of something else."

"What were you thinking of, Sam?"

"Claire Novak."


End file.
